Many couples think sleeping side-by-side is the norm, but for my husband Jay and I, that isn’t the case. After being together for over 12 years, we have found that sleeping in separate beds has actually improved our relationship.
When we first met, we would alternate between Jay’s place and mine, often sharing a bed. However, as time went on, he started snoring and I’m a light sleeper, so I decided to move into another bedroom in the middle of the night. Although it wasn’t done with the intention of making it a permanent thing, I found it so difficult to drift off when I returned back to our bed that I had to go back to the other bedroom.
Over the last few months, I’ve become so used to sleeping in silence that I struggle to drift off even when we’re away and have to share a bed. This isn’t due to any issues between us, but rather because I’m just not used to the noise.
Now that we don’t share a bed, we both feel much more rested. We can read or watch TV in bed until late without worrying about waking each other up, and we can go to bed at different times. We also have more space to spread out which is always nice.
When we tell people about our arrangements, they often assume something is wrong with our relationship. This isn’t the case however – in fact, it’s quite the opposite. We are stronger than ever and believe that this arrangement has improved our bond.
Studies have shown that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to occur simultaneously, which makes perfect sense. If either of us were to be kept up all night due to snoring or heavy breathing for example, it’s likely that resentment would build up over time.
Although Jay does miss the intimacy of sleeping together, we are happy with our current arrangement and can’t see ourselves going back to sharing a bed permanently unless we have no choice.
If you and your partner are struggling with sleep issues or feel like you don’t get enough rest while sharing a bed, it’s worth considering sleeping in separate rooms. It could make all the difference to your relationship.
